Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Dear Abby, If You Didn't Exist, We'd Have to Invent You

Or maybe that's exactly what happened. Is Dear Abby yet another enterprise run on the Dread Pirate Roberts model? But I digress. It doesn't really matter who is responsible for this, it just has to be corrected.

DEAR ABBY: I was engaged three years ago, and shortly before the wedding my fiance called it off. My bridesmaids had all purchased their dresses.

I plan to be married this year and will use the same bridesmaid dresses. However, I am no longer as close to a couple of the bridesmaids as I was then. Since they have already purchased the dresses, am I obligated to ask them to be in this wedding? What would be proper? -- MAKING MY PLANS IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR MAKING PLANS: The proper thing to do would be to ask the women who bought the dresses to be in the wedding, or offer to buy the dresses from them, and select bridesmaids who wear their size. (Hint: You'll make fewer enemies if you use the original cast.)

Really, I should be applauding the bride-to-be. Normally you'd expect a certain level of superstition after a dropped near the altar situation. New ring, new church, new wedding dress, and new bridesmaid dresses. But not Making Plans. Admittedly I'm a bit out of my depth here- having never been a bridesmaid (barring a massive change in heart, a newfound love for taking hormones and undergoing surgeries, and finding an open-minded female friend who'd ask the new me to stand with her, that opportunity will never present itself). But had I shelled out money for a bridesmaid's dress for a wedding that never happened, I'm not sure I would still own that dress three years later. Heck, I'm not sure I'd still own the dress if the wedding actually happened. So her concerns may be premature.

On to Abby. Invite people who used to be friends rather than actual friends? Seriously? Make "Your Day" less than what you'd desire to placate friends with whom you are no longer close? Seriously? Find friends who are the same size? Seriously? I'm not advocating Bridezilla behavior, but three years have passed. It's a new wedding, treat it as such. That's what an Abby who wasn't new to the job would say.


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